From giving to receiving...

When I had first begun to grasp the reality behind the vision/plan that Robyn had for this mission - to be a "Gift" from the church to the people of Cap Hatien, it really hit home, and made what we were doing - or for most of the time trying to do - make sense. So to find myself unable to be that "gift" for several days has been really hard, as well as the physically reality of being knocked right off my feet.

For the best of intentions this entry is an intensely personal one - as I haven't really been able to experience anyone else's world for the last few days.

With hindsight I think I had been feeling unwell for a couple of days - low grade headache, a bit dizzy, not much appetite. On the Wednesday it had been quiet in theatre, and so we had finished early, and we had arranged to go out for a meal with 8 of Robyn's Haitian friends to a local restaurant.

As we were walking to the place I remember thinking quite clearly how I must be adapting to the heat situation because I had stopped sweating, and in fact was feeling a little cold - I kept getting covered in goose-bumps.

(The little girl pictured is Jamily - oldest daughter of JP and Pauline who came to eat with us that night.)

That night was a rather rough one - I shivered and shivered, don't think it was quite a rigor; was dry retching a few times, then slept for a couple of hours, waking up dripping with sweat, and feeling as weak as a kitten.

I cried off work, and eventually went for a blood test at one of the private laboratories that flourish in the town. Robyn suggested testing for malaria, typhoid and a full blood count. She found a thermometer and my temperature was 39.7c (103f). As I was feeling worse all the time she took me to her doctor - who very kindly interrupted the World Cup to see me (and believe me the World Cup is taken very seriously over here.)

Dr Yvan Bell is Haitian, and very gentle and caring. He fully examined me, ordered samples (you can guess) and some more blood tests.

He wondered about Dengue Fever - because I did have some odd little red spots that I thought were insect related.

The test results were inconclusive on every front:

• I had been assiduous in taking anti-malarials, so if it was malaria the parasite might not have shown up;
• there is no specific test for Dengue fever (so I understand)
• and the samples were negative for Shigella, Amoeba, Giardia or Salmonella.

However I was feeling even worse - dry retching every few minutes, having very weird dreams and thoughts - weirder than usual. And by the next day Robyn insisted on a home visit. IV fluids next.

The system here is different to the UK - in case anyone has other ideas. Your friends and family go and buy the equipment and it is set up by you. Robyn duly appeared with a black bag containing some litres of IV fluid, giving sets and a cannula.

Given that we were me, a surgeon, and an ex-nurse there had to be a decision as to who was going to site the needle - I won!

The fluids and anti-emetics (anti-sickness) drugs began to ease things, and after a few days I am starting to feel slightly more normal again. Though I am still completely off any thought of food - which as most of you know is totally unlike me.

What has been so very humbling has been both the care given to me, and the love shown. It's not easy for me to receive, but I just had no choice. Robyn spent a lot of time just sitting with me. On the Saturday when she and the others went to Port-au-Prince Cillotte spent the whole day with me, just sitting in my bedroom reading, and when I was retching and retching she would rub my back and stomach, and sponge me down. She and Bernadette even gave me a bed-bath (very professionally - all modesty preserved, though by then I was past caring).

She also gave me the anti-emetic injections as often as needed.

Bernadette has been very caring too - coming in on Sunday so that I would not be by myself for any time. Such a sense of love and care being given by a people who have so little materially, it has been quite emotional.

I also found myself getting irrationally annoyed (and even angry) about little things - as I have said the water pump is intermittent here. And so to have to have someone go down to the well for water for washing, and for the toilet etc made me so cross when all it would take is for someone to fix the pump. Then I had to think of the tent cities in Port, or the shacks all along the roads, in everyone of which there might be someone just like me - feeling really ill, and no hope of water. Forgive me my self-pity Lord.

Saw Dr Bell again today who agrees that I am on the mend - just got to try and find some more energy. Hopefully next blog will be far less self-centred.